September 30 - 6 Traits Review
Using your 6+1 Rubric, read the "Siv" essay below and score its use of Sentence Fluency, Ideas, Organization, Voice, and Word Choice. Is it a 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5? You must write 2 complete sentences for each score that you choose and you must include at least one direct quote (which means to copy and sentence or phrase word-for-word and put it in quotation marks) from the essay to support your answer.
Essay #1: "Siv"
Sweat is pouring down our faces as we run on our usual route past Lustiland. Suddenly, we ear two honks. I look over my lefthand shoulder. A woman in her fifties looks out of her car window, smiling and eagerly waving at us. It is my sports teacher. Slowly lifting up our tired arms and exhausted we wave back. Keep up the good work! She shouts and continues her journey in her putt-putting gray car. A typical sports lesson. I had Siv as my sports teacher seventh through ninth grade. She made us do a lot of strange, new exercises which she came up with herself, but seldom did I see her participate in any of her self-invented activities. Sports were mandatory in my school and a lot of my friends tried to avoid them with faked sicknesses. Well, fortunate for my friends, Siv liked to talk more than she liked teaching sports activities. I actually liked sports! We used to get dressed and all ready for gym (or some kind of sport). Siv would tell us to gather in one of our changing rooms for a small talk, before having gym. But as occurred so many other times, she would forget about having gym and just talk, while we sat scrunched together in a ring, pretending to be very interested. Siv would tell us about how to act if we or our car came through the ice while driving on a lake or if a piece of our thumb accidentally got cut off in the blending machine. When we finally did have gym, we would sometimes be made to pretend we were circus performers and do tricks with ropes and hula rings. After the lesson she could pop our head into our locker room, while we were changing and say: "Oh! I have a pair of socks just like yours!" Just before Christmas Siv would gather us around her little plastic Christmas tree and let us decorate it with stars, flags, and candy, while Christmas carols rang joyfully from her boom box. After decorating the tree, she would light some candles to create a warm and cozy mood in our gym room and pull out a children's book about a cat and an old man (she completely adored the book) and read it out loud to us. Relaxed we listened and chomped on a couple of gingersnaps Siv gave us. I often found Siv's lessons to be weird and a bit juvenile, though at the same time could also be fun. I admire her for always being in a good bouncy mood and doing all she could do to try to solve problems we might have been dealing with. Although we might not have made any progress in sports, while having Siv, she taught us a lot of important things that could be useful and come in handy, later in our lives. |